Monday, August 18, 2014

This Dad Did Not Protect His Daughter - Learn From This Tragic Story

PART TWO OF TWO
Terrible things happen to a girl or young woman when she feels unprotected by her father. I will tell you of a close friend and his little sister. Both are in their 50s now. They were the last two of five kids. An older sibling had become seriously ill as an infant. He lived with constant pain, and was unable to move, until he died at the age of 8.

Things like this have an effect on people. Years later this father struggled with health challenges. Life happens, and work and other difficulties combined to wear out this otherwise good and faithful father. The last two kids pretty much raised themselves. The mother came from a rather stoic family, where emotions go unexpressed and funerals are attended without a tear. There were no expressions of love in the home, but somehow my friend, as a young man, knew he was loved. His little sister did not. She needed desperately to hear "I love you". But she never heard it.

My friend appreciated the lack of a curfew. But his little sister was smarter. They both needed a curfew, but only she knew it. She was strong-willed and stubborn, and she would have fought it hard. but she desperately needed rules. So she imposed one on herself. My friend's little sister actually lied to her friends, making up a curfew so her friends and her dates would think that someone at home cared about her.

These two siblings were taught at church to avoid dating until age 16, and then only to double-date till 18. My friend's little sister was dating at 13. And at this tender age her date - who was 18 at the time - overcorrected on the freeway, and hit a concrete abutment. The little girl's nose and jaw were broken, and she was nearly killed.

My friend's little sister needed to see some kind of reaction from her father. Though it was far too late to avoid the accident, she needed to see her Dad try  to defend her. But the young man that nearly killed her was never invited to visit with Dad and explain. No outraged phone calls were made. No conversation with the boy's parents.

Silence.

Her father had seen to the financial details. There was an insurance settlement, and money was set aside for a medical procedure that would be better performed when she was a few years older. But when my friend's sister turned 18, the money was released to her. Did she get the procedure? No, she bought a sports car.

My friend's father should have known better. He was older and wiser, and he should have understood the doctor's advice better than she could at her young age. Despite her strong objections, he should have made sure she received the medical procedure.

But his little girl was strong-willed, and he was a tired father. The car was bought, and the needed procedure was never done. Years later, when it was too late, and the opportunity was gone, the predicted pain emerged. Now in her 50s she struggles with constant pain in her head and jaw; pain that will never go away.

Perhaps even worse, though she has a great marriage, and they raised two fine sons, she suffers - not only from pain - but from deep depression.

Depression is to be expected in such a case. Even without the constant pain from the car accident, she would have needed a lot of counseling. Girls that grow up feeling unloved and unprotected by their Dads often do, and many fight strong feelings of depression1.

A tragic story that need not be repeated. Dads, love your daughters. Tell them you love them. Fight to protect them. And make sure they see you do it. Your daughter may be embarrassed. She may object. She may get angry with you. But make sure she knows you love her enough to be tough for her. She needs it. And even if she says otherwise, she wants it.

It's your hat. It fits only your head. She made it that way. Wear it with pride.


1Dr. Meg Meeker, author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

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