PART TWO OF TWO
Terrible things happen to a girl or young woman when she
feels unprotected by her father. I will tell you of a close friend and his
little sister. Both are in their 50s now. They were the last two of five kids. An
older sibling had become seriously ill as an infant. He lived with constant
pain, and was unable to move, until he died at the age of 8.
Things like this have an effect on people. Years later this
father struggled with health challenges. Life happens, and work and other
difficulties combined to wear out this otherwise good and faithful father. The
last two kids pretty much raised themselves. The mother came from a rather
stoic family, where emotions go unexpressed and funerals are attended without a
tear. There were no expressions of love in the home, but somehow my friend, as
a young man, knew he was loved. His little sister did not. She needed
desperately to hear "I love you". But she never heard it.
My friend appreciated the lack of a curfew. But his little
sister was smarter. They both needed a curfew, but only she knew it. She was strong-willed and stubborn, and she would have fought it hard. but she desperately
needed rules. So she imposed one on herself. My friend's little sister actually lied to her friends, making up
a curfew so her friends and her dates would think that someone at home cared
about her.
These two siblings were taught at church to avoid dating
until age 16, and then only to double-date till 18. My friend's little sister
was dating at 13. And at this tender age her date - who was 18 at the time -
overcorrected on the freeway, and hit a concrete abutment. The little girl's
nose and jaw were broken, and she was nearly killed.
My friend's little sister needed to see some kind of
reaction from her father. Though it was far too late to avoid the accident, she
needed to see her Dad try to defend her.
But the young man that nearly killed her was never invited to visit with Dad
and explain. No outraged phone calls were made. No conversation with the boy's
parents.
Silence.
Her father had seen to the financial details. There was an
insurance settlement, and money was set aside for a medical procedure that
would be better performed when she was a few years older. But when my friend's
sister turned 18, the money was released to her. Did she get the procedure? No, she bought a sports car.
My friend's father should have known better. He was older
and wiser, and he should have understood the doctor's advice better than she
could at her young age. Despite her strong objections, he should have made sure
she received the medical procedure.
But his little girl was strong-willed, and he was a tired
father. The car was bought, and the needed procedure was never done. Years
later, when it was too late, and the opportunity was gone, the predicted pain
emerged. Now in her 50s she struggles with constant pain in her head and jaw;
pain that will never go away.
Perhaps even worse, though she has a great marriage, and they
raised two fine sons, she suffers - not only from pain - but from deep depression.
Depression is to be expected in such a case. Even without
the constant pain from the car accident, she would have needed a lot of
counseling. Girls that grow up feeling unloved and unprotected by their Dads
often do, and many fight strong feelings of depression1.
A tragic story that need not be repeated. Dads, love your
daughters. Tell them you love them. Fight to protect them. And make sure they
see you do it. Your daughter may be embarrassed. She may object. She may get
angry with you. But make sure she knows you love her enough to be tough for
her. She needs it. And even if she says otherwise, she wants it.
It's your hat. It fits only your head. She made it that way.
Wear it with pride.
1Dr. Meg Meeker, author of Strong Fathers, Strong
Daughters
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