Monday, August 18, 2014

To Your Daughter Your "Dad Hat" Fits Only You

Fathers - You have a larger impact on your daughter than you likely know.

PART ONE OF TWO
Fathers, you have a profound influence on your daughter. Whether playing games, asking about her latest date, or helping her with her math, you are influencing your daughter. And that influence is critically important for her.

Study Finding: When you are involved in day-to-day activities, your daughter is more likely to confide in you and seek your emotional support.1

I'm just like any other Dad; my kids see me at my best, and they see me at my worst. And yet, today, my 18-year-old daughter told me that it's all my fault if she never marries. It's my fault because she'll never find a guy like me (her Dad).

Three things about that comment:
1) I'm thinking that's OK - don't marry a guy like me; marry someone better.
2) She didn't mean it literally; she was giving me a great compliment.
3) She's wrong. And that's the point of this message.

One more thing:
What's going on between the ears of a daughter is a complete mystery to her Dad. I don't recall what little household chore she and I were engaged in at the time, but her compliment was completely out of context, and was as unexpected as if she had told me she was trying out for the football team (this daughter is a dancer; she does not play ball of any sort).

The point is simple. We fathers will never know what they're thinking, or what they're going to say next. But we must never forget that our daughters want and need to look up to us - their fathers. Daughters reserve a special place in their heart for their Dad, and no one else can fill it.

When wearing your "work hat", or your "community hat" or your "friend" or "golf buddy hat" you can be replaced. But to your daughter your "Dad Hat" fits only you. Someone else may wear it, and may do an admirable job, but your Dad Hat will never fit him quite like it does you.

Your daughter will be aware of your faults. But she has a deep need to love and admire you. And she will - despite your faults - if you do two things:
1) Be an honorable person.
2) Protect and defend her - visibly.

In my next post I will tell a tragic story of someone I know well. Tragic because a little girl was not defended by her Dad.


1Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1990) cited by Dr. Meg Meeker, author of Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

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